"I'm tired of the cycle of gaining all those compliments then losing them after gaining back some weight then gaining compliments again after losing weight then losing them after gaining weight--AGAIN."

Yes, I know that I am a nurse and before becoming one, a nursing student must be able to master the normal body processes and how different diseases can alter these everyday events that are going on inside us (aka PATHOPHYSIOLOGY) to be able to choose the correct nursing interventions when dealing with patients of certain diseases. Honestly, knowing all these things helped me with regards to planning and carrying out my patient care but little did I even apply the knowledge that I have acquired from my course to myself. Aside from these things, NUTRITION was part of our curriculum (during 2nd year) and I enjoyed it actually but I was only able to apply it to my patients--forgetting myself again. I think that you can only recognize your own body's needs when something undesirable really happens to it. In my case, it's the weight.

When I was a child, I've always been thin. I even got thinner when I was diagnosed with pneumonia (and how lovely is this disease that when I became a student nurse, all of my patients have this disease and for my Oral Revalida, this was the case that I defended) when I was 6 years old (and I got confined where? at my former college's own hospital where I spent my duty days as a student nurse!). My parents were worried by my state that they did everything for me to gain the ideal weight for my age. Too bad... I started enjoying the act of eating that when I reached the 4th grade, I was, well, swelling up. It didn't stop there. As a preteen, you just can't get THAT conscious yet so it was nothing for me. The weight went on and on and the problem only hit me when I finally reached highschool and a teacher was choosing some big girls for something. I was picked and I was like--what? I wasn't expecting that or maybe I overlooked my weight too much that I just needed a wake up call from the outside. Ever since that incident, I would dance for 2 hours at home to shed off weight. It did help but my weight was very unstable. It went up and down a lot of times during the 4 years spent in highschool. When I finally went to college, I was SUPER DUPER conscious already. I mean, come on, after 11 years of staying at an exclusive girls school? Boys are around now and you know boys love to tease girls who have some extra pounds! Girls don't do that to each other (only in rare occasions when playful) because we are very sensitive when weight is the topic. But boys--majority of the boys have this thing for teasing girls who are chubby. Though I know that most of them don't really mean it and have no intention in making a girl depressed, some girls do have this super sensitive attitude when weight is being made fun of. What guys don't understand is when you make fun of girls with their weight, some may just breakdown because of getting teased a lot especially with weight. The sad thing is I can see girls who are thinner than me but still get teased for having extra inches of fat (like probably only 2 inches of fat?). I do get teased by my guy friends but it is rare like probably once every 2 months (haha) for having some extra weight. During my 4 years in college, a lot would see me lose weight then gain it back again then lose it again. So I get compliments then the teasing (of my favorite guy friends ever... hahaha you know who you are! :P ) comes back again then the compliments then--okay we get it. The ups and downs of my weight during my college life had been really tiring. I'm tired of gaining all those compliments then losing them again after gaining back some weight. It all comes down to the WRONG BELIEFS I HAD WITH REGARDS TO WEIGHTLOSS.

My unstable weight is basically due to my wrong choices of methods in losing weight. I hated exercise and was inconsistent with it. I would exercise for 2 hours during schoolbreak so basically, everyone would always notice the weightloss BUT only during the first few months of school. By the time mid-schoolyear comes, I would've already gained back the weight I've lost plus some extra pounds added to my original weight. I've tried a lot of those short-term weightloss methods (I know they are bad but because they were quick, I was up for them) and my reward was a short-term experience of confidence. I've tried the South Beach diet, diet (liar) pills, metabolism boosters, food replacements, starvation, super crash diets, and the depression diet for not even having the weight I want. After the board exams review, I was surprised that I finally reached the weight that I've never ever reached before. I was overweight by 20lbs.!!! I've had enough of those past failed weightloss experiences using all those new weightloss methods. I finally decided to lose weight using a classic method (aka THE SLOWLY BUT SURELY method) and something that I know would be healthier. I decided to hit the gym and eat right. I also started reading the book that was given to me as a gift by my dad. He has always been concerned about my health. Well people might probably say "Duh, because he is a doctor." but I would just reply "Duh, probably because I am his daughter." The book is about having a healthy heart. I loved the book and it made me more motivated while I was at the gym. Before opening that book, all I can think of was "I must lose weight to gain my confidence back." but after reading that book, all I can think of was "I must lose weight to have a healthier body." The book had a section for weightloss and although I already know how it goes, it was only that time that I was finally able to think of myself as a patient, badly needing some help for a healthier life. I was only starting my weightloss journey when I read that book and as I went on with my mission of losing some weight, I decided to study books with regards to FITNESS AND NUTRITION. I learned a lot and I'm more motivated compared before. Why did I hate dieting before? I did not get satisfied--at all! I can't eat what everyone else was eating. Now, I learned how to alter the quantity and quality of the foods I am eating. I can make better choices. I can eat whatever I want with control. I even learned how to cook and bake because I really want to eat low-calorie versions of my favorite foods.

My weightloss journey had been a really meaningful one. I do wanna thank my failures because it is due to them that I have changed my outlook on weight. By seeing how these failures turned to disasters, I finally realized that the healthier way of losing weight is still the best one because there is an assurance of a healthier body with no risks involved (duh? I know right? hehe). Our body is to be taken care of and by introducing sudden weightloss ways to it, it just suffers more because the body needs gradual adjustments for it to work properly. Just think of a child you're teaching to talk. You can't just teach him/her advanced words right away. A child needs to get used to small words first before he/she can start learning bigger words. Like a child, a body needs some training as well. For it to have a successful weightloss, you need to give small changes to it first. Giving big changes right away to the body will just break it down. The normal processes in the body get altered and you become less healthy. That is why if you're planning to lose weight by decreasing your calorie intake, don't just starve right away. Decrease it slowly. Plus, like a learning talking child, there are limitations. A child can only take a certain number of words at a time. If you go beyond the child's limitation, it is totally pointless. In the example given awhile ago regarding decreasing the calorie intake, there is a limitation. You can't decrease it beyond the minimum amount of calorie intake or else the body will be in trouble. That is why all those short-term weightloss methods fail! You lose weight fast but you gain it faster afterwards. The body is not used to the sudden weightloss and it will only compensate after you're done with the short-term method. Unlike when you're gradually losing weight, you're giving time for your body to adjust and when it gets adjusted, it will not gain back the weight you're trying to lose because the body thinks that what's going on is normal. Our body is very defensive. ;) When it knows it is being attacked by all those bad methods, it attacks back by compensating. Take starvation for example. When the body is not getting enough calories, it thinks you're starving therefore storing fat more. Clever body, huh?

Weightloss totally helped me go WITH MY BODY and not AGAINST MY BODY. If you do just that, you'll be healthier. This is what I basically learned from my weightloss journey... It definitely changed my outlook on weight as something that is to be taken care of for the sake of health (and not merely just for physical appearance) and one can do that just by being a friend to one's own body. :)